[fanteeny] Woohoo!

 Current Mood Alert: Ecstatic/vindicated/incensed.

Personal Achievement of the Day: Colin Firth WON!

How is it personal? Because after million years enduring 'Colin what?? Who in hell is Colin Ferr??', it feels like I won (Gosh, Anthony or Sean never gave me this much trouble, honestly... ;))

Woohoo!! 

Plus, I met Livia once, and we happily chatted for about half an hour. A fact that makes us virtually BFF, and me, Colin's virtual wife, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. [/fanteeny]

PS: However, I'm indignant. How come there's NO cinema showing The King's Speech!?  This is why you deserve to be badly badmouthed sometimes, motherland. This is why.

Rescuing The Past -- (A.k.a. Dead Entries Coming to Life)

Current Mood Alert: slightly ashamed

As I can't exactly work out what happened to some of the old entries, I will try and rescue them one by one. 

I had forgot about this episode, and after reading the whole thing and actually remembering it all, I understand why my brain decided to make that decision...

********************

Fact is, certain people are magnets for certain things. 

I know a woman who is a magnet for burglars. And when I say a magnet, I mean to say that it's impossible to keep track of the number of times she's been robbed, the poor thing. My friend R.'s family is a magnet for illnesses, the rarer the illness the merrier. My brother is a magnet for potential-girlfriends' mums, this is, he's always the perfect son-in-law, although unfortunately for him, the girls don't always see this as clearly as their mums.

I've always been a magnet for, basically, two things. One, and I swear it's a mystery to me, are older-than-me men. Honest, there's no logical explanation. No matter if the girls I'm with are 984739457 times prettier than I am. Maybe they sense that my favourite actors, save one, are the likes of Anthony Hopkins? No idea.

The second, the absolute winner, is attracting impossibly surreal situations. People who know me in real life can attest that this is not an attempt of being funny. I happen to be some sort of mix between extrovert, hermit, and socially awkward at the same time so it might have to do with that. Or perhaps this is a perfectly normal occurrence for you, who knows.

The thing is that this afternoon, after classes, I stop by the supermarket before going home. Once I have my basket in hand and all, I realise that I have no memory of what I need to buy in the first place, so I decide to wander a bit around the isles in search of inspiration.

That's how I find myself in the cat food isle, even if I don't own any cat, nor any other pet for that matter. I am about to leave when I hear the sound of boxes falling off the shelves. To my left, an old man is picking them from the floor and, being the nice girl I am, I go to help of course. Just when I am picking up the last box, I see it.

Let's say that...well, the man has kind of forgot about the fly of his pants, which is totally open in a strange angle.But the fly is not the only thing he has forgot about, because, well, there is no underwear in sight, but other things definitely are.

My first thought, and I'm not proud of it but you never know, is my Pervert Alert boozing. But then I observe him, and he is paying no attention to me or to anyone whatsoever, so I discard it. Actually, for a few seconds I happen to be the only pervert in the scene. Although the truth is that I wasn't peeking intentionally, but more like having some inner battle:

"Come on, you can't let the poor man go on merrily shopping like that."

"Ok, but how in hell do you tell a total stranger that his pride is showing???" 

In the end, I just leave the crime scene in shame, and go on with my shopping, a random one because I still can't exactly remember what I need. But because my conscience is a bitch, I can't leave the place without checking if someone else has had the guts I lack.

I find my target in the cereals isle this time, so I spy on him -yes, spy- and the situation. And not only the fly in question is still open to the world, but also I observe how people have noticed, and instead of saying something, they are pointing and whispering and giggling. Soulless bastards.

The situation worsens by the minute. There I am, standing by the shelves, pathetically pretending to be making a big decision in front of the cereal boxes, while having another inner conversation about the best way to proceed. What should I do? I should just tell him. No no, I can't. But normal people would just approach him. Normal people are just laughing at him, the jerks.

Suddenly, and I don't know why I don't explode out of geniality right in the spot, I have an epiphany: IMITATION. I mean, how many times have we seen someone checking on his watch and have done the same? Or someone looking somewhere? So that is basically the plan. Check my own fly. And no, I can't believe that I thought that could be a good plan either.

Feeling still pathetic but hopeful, I walk towards the old man and stand in front of him, in an angle so that he can see me clearly.

He totally ignores me.

Ok. Time for Plan b: I take a couple of boxes and shamelessly drop them on the floor. That does the trick.

Old man: *smiling* "Oh, your turn now."

Me: *totally fake* "Haha...yes yes"

Old Man: "They (the boxes) must be in a wrong angle."

Me: *avoiding thinking about wrong angles* "Absolutely...haha"

As I am there talking to Target, I don't really find the moment to start checking my own fly of my own jeans and, to be honest, the idea seems less luminous somehow now that I am actually there. I can't see my face, obviously, but it must be a sight, because the old man, bless him, asks me if there is something wrong. I tell him no no, nothing thank you, and walk away, a total loser, resigning to the fact that I am a coward, and now I will have to suffer my conscience's nagging for the next few days/weeks/years...

I am about to turn the corner when I suddenly -and surprisingly even to me- stop on my tracks, start walking back, and stand facing the man.

"Sir, please, check the fly of your pants, for god's sake."

And I run.

Well, technically it wasn't running running, but almost. I barely stayed there long enough to hear his answer.

Mission accomplished.

Things I have learned today:

- My conscience is a lot bitchier than I thought.
- I am a lot more pathetic than I thought.
- Cat food is a lot more expensive than I thought.
- Nine people out of ten -ok, perhaps eight- have no soul, although I already knew this one, so not sure if it qualifies as new knowledge.

Somehow I feel that, if I ever do something of consequence for mankind and then people want me to write my memories and then I oblige, this afternoon events might have a tiny corner for themselves.

Damn You, Technology, Damn You.

Current Mood Warning: Psh.

Mm. Moving blogs hasn't gone as smoothly as I hoped. Lost comments and entries and some other gadgets. Will try to fix it again. Not that it was vital stuff for mankind to go on, but it should be here.

By the way, it's 15th January today and we are boiling in here. 20ºC minimun. How can I expect technology to go according to plan when not even Mother Nature is?

Off to do something of consecuence. 

Have a nice day.

Dear Satan ...

Dear Satan, 

It was very lovely to hear from you, thus confirming that you're still up and high in the soul trading business. Unfortunately, I believe you might have got confused about what our pact was about. Want soul back. Or at least a contract revision. This game of playing and twisting my wishes must be stopped. 

I hope this is nothing more than an unfortunate misunderstanding and that you weren't sending me every wish in the book all at the same time which, compatible as they were in the span of the years, cannot possibly be so in the present temporal frame.

Looking foward to hearing from you. 

Hate, etc,

xxx

Driving Lessons - Crosswalks

 Current mood: talkative

I was going to make this an entry about an entire different topic, but then I did a bit of driving this afternoon. And really. 

It's no secret that I have the driving skills of Godzilla. I can't quite coordinate feet and hands and signs and morons at the same time. This is why I intend to stick to bikes until death. Plus, I'm both-handed and my sense of orientation is a bit distracted, to put it in a non-agressive-for-my-selfconfidence way.

Although, in defense of said selfconfidence, I must say that I was pretty good when I got my license, almost eight years ago now, but due to a compendium of factors, lack of actual vehicle included, I lost my touch. Now that I'm game again, I wonder if I'm really ready for the road.  

I think I am, but the question is, are all the others?

In other words, and after yesterday's events, I'm addressing an important and usually underrated subject when talking about the dangers of driving: CROSSWALKS.

I do believe that there should be curses subsidised by the town Hall or something about crosswalks and the uses of them. This could save us lots of troubles to both drivers and pedestrians. Because most of them seem blissfully unaware of the meaning of those little marks on the pavement. I would volunteer and put my teaching skills to use in order to touch the most necessary topics.

1. Clarifying the area. Some people seem to think that, if there happens to be a crosswalk within, say, 5 to 15 meters, they are well within the crosswalk area, so they can merrily cross without even looking at the road. When you have to suddenly brake and look at them with that thought in your mind, they look right back at you pointing to the distant marks on the road, as if saying 'hey, you moron, don't you see there's a crosswalk over there, in ten metres?'

Fact #1. The vicinity of a crosswalk is NOT a crosswalk. The crossing rights said croswalk grants you do NOT apply to the entire street in which the CW is located. This type of roads does exist, though; they are called pedestrian streets. Please go there for an outdoors chat. 

2. Pedestrian streets. Some people seem to think that CW are the miniature version of the formentioned pedestrian streets, in which you can merrily stop for a drag or to have a chat with your long-lost friend from childhood. If you, the one patiently waiting for them to realise there are better places for reacquanting, happen to move an inch or, god forbids it, use the horn, they will spat like nothing 'what's your problem?? This is a CW, a zone for pedestrians.'

Fact #2. Crosswalks were made for pedestrians to CROSS through, not to LIVE in.

3. The Indecisive Lot. An apparently innocent but dangerous lot is the Indecisive one. You see them from a mile, standing there, one foot already on the CW. You start to brake, the pedestrian looks at you with indecision al over his/her features and, deciding you don't go slowly enough, freaks out and retrieves the foot. You still brake some more, but the Indecisive doesn't trust you. So you think: ok, if you don't want to cross, don't, but I do want to go on. However, the Indecisive Pedestrian is an unpredictable creature, so when you're just gaining speed again, s/he will put one foot on the road again, and you'll have to brake once again. This operation will repeat itself several times before it's over, this is, the Indecisive Pedestrian will look at you with a worried look, and you'll invite him to go on with a gesture -trying not to do other type of gestures crossing your mind at that moment.That, or you'll just go on after his/her explicit gesture of 'no no, go on'.


There is an even more dangerous version of this scenario. When it's a two way road, then you'll have to wait until the Indecisive Pedestrian gathers enough courage and reassurance from the other driver too, before crossing. 

Fact #3. Indecision is a very BAD thing if you are to cross a road (it is a very bad thing, period, but let's focus). Cross or don't cross, but please don't be indecisive.  

4. Grandpas: those lovely creatures.  You see this old and respectable man standing just where the CW starts. Obviously you stop, only to be met by the grandpa's nice and warm smile while he tells you with gestures that you can go ahead, because he's not there for crossing; he's just there. You insist, just in case, but don't be fooled: he WON'T cross. What the hell happened to the banks in the park or the building watch? Maybe this is more interactive for them. 
Fact #4. The sooner you learn to distinguish between the old man who's there for crossing and the annoying old man who's there just to test drivers' patience, the better.

5. Last but not least, you have to be aware of what I call The Roulette of Crosswalks, this is, the possibility of a kid materialising out of nowhere in front of you, without looking anywhere before crossing. In this case, it will be a matter of luck and reflexes.  

If it's dark or you have this really bright sun in the late hours of the day blinding you, the risks increases by 900%. The only thing a driver can do is to pray to his/her favourite saint/god/celebrity for never being involved in a situation like that. 
Fact #5. Increase precautions to the extreme if visibility conditions are not good, or if they are. AND light up a candle for Saint Christopher. 


Anyway, let's face it; pedestrians are not the only ones unaware of the real meaning of 'crosswalks'. Drivers are worth of another few entries themselves, the damned animals. Most of them believe that a CW consist in driving zig zag saving obstacles. Why stopping while an old lady is slowly crossing when I can pass her by 847985467 times before she reaches the other side? So they accelerate, and when nearing the old lady, they zig zag and BAM! they're gone. Who cares if the old lady is left there trembling and with her hand suspiciously grabbing her chest. This lot should have their licenses revoked FOR LIFE. That's street terrorism. 

Rule #6. Not very fast people, whatever their reason, kind of have the same right to cross the road without having to risk their hearts coming out of their mouths in the process.

Best of lucks if you are reading this and currently taking driving lessons. I hope you are a better driver than 90% of the people out there -and I'm being generous with figures.

And if you are already a driver, CHILL OUT, for god's sake.

x

Have a Good Old Night, My Little Cyberpeople

...even though, fact is, you are going to be as unskilled at driving as you were yesterday. Your hair is going to be as unmanageable and silly -or scarce...- as ever, and the gent/lady of your dreams is not going to be knocked off by a bolt of lightning tonight and have an epiphany -and unconditional love for you as a result of such- a la St. Paul on his way to Damascus.

Chances are you will still have to stick to your shitty job because you need the money, money that you're not going to suddenly find under your bed on New Year's Day, either.This is especially true if you live in Iberia these days, but kind of applies universally.

The list of flaws and lackings and stuff NOT accomplished during 2010 will feel as heavy, if not heavier, tomorrow. You will think of the trips you couldn't make, the jobs you weren't offered, the pounds you didn't lose/gain, the changes you didn't ask for, the new self-confident -and usually fake- attitude you were unable to master.

You will still miss your loved ones, gone or just far away; your friends will be your friends and your enemies will be your enemies on the first day of the new year. Difficult people will still be difficult, brainless will remain brainless, and you still will want to throttle them, especially if they tried, and successfully managed, to ruin with their bile the last day of the year (or any other for that matter). And if your meniscus is trying to flee your knee while giving you hell in the process, know that it still will be a bastard on New Year's Day. Fact.

So, technically, there's nothing special about tonight, right? WRONG. Tonight IS the last night of a year, and we made it yet again, someway somehow. YAY!!! We might not be/stay/feel as good as we should, but still we made it and we did lots of things and saw lots of things and shared love in some way or another and good moments and... well, life. And we still have a long list of dreams and goals to fulfill, so bring on the new year!

To all of you who made my 2010 a year to remember for life, either over here or most likely in my beloved London, it was a pleasure to share it with you, and I thank you. I wish you an obscenely amazing New Year's Eve (OLD NIGHT is the literal translation from Spanish NocheVieja, hence the title of the note). Eat and drink and party till you drop but be careful, I want to see you next year! 

And to all of you who tried just the opposite...well. I'm back. And I know who you are.

All the best to you, my lovely friends out there, wherever you are.

Love,

Maribel  / Bela xxx

Merry Christmas

from self and someone else...

<div style='background-color:#e9e9e9; width: 425px;'><object id='A845725' quality='high' data='http://aka.zero.jibjab.com/client/zero/ClientZero_EmbedViewer.swf?external_make_id=p7yhynqZMoTUTaU7&service=elfyourself.jibjab.com&partnerID=ElfYourself' pluginspage='http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='transparent' height='319' width='425'><param name='wmode' value='transparent'></param><param name='movie' value='http://aka.zero.jibjab.com/client/zero/ClientZero_EmbedViewer.swf?external_make_id=p7yhynqZMoTUTaU7&service=elfyourself.jibjab.com&partnerID=ElfYourself'></param><param name='scaleMode' value='showAll'></param><param name='quality' value='high'></param><param name='allowNetworking' value='all'></param><param name='allowFullScreen' value='true' /><param name='FlashVars' value='external_make_id=p7yhynqZMoTUTaU7&service=elfyourself.jibjab.com&partnerID=ElfYourself'></param><param name='allowScriptAccess' value='always'></param></object></div>

I don't show pictures featuring myself, but this was a MUST, as my british fellows would say ;D

I hope you are all having a lovely holiday, or at least not terribly horrible.

Love,
xx